Nothing Left to Live For
by ChoCedric
Summary: Sirius survives the battle at the Department of Mysteries. Two years later, he is forced to watch as Harry fights the final battle against Voldemort. As he watches his beloved godson fall at Voldemort's hand, he knows there is nothing left to live for.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Nothing Left to Live For

By: ChoCedric

Sirius's heart is in his throat as he watches his godson, the last link to his precious friends James and Lily, fight the man that ripped his entire life apart. He feels such anger, such rage at Voldemort, and he desperately wants to go over to Harry, to fight by his side. But a barrier has been erected that will stop any of Harry's friends and supporters from defending him.

He can't believe that it's come to this, that this stupid prophecy was made. How is it fair, he thinks angrily, that a seventeen-year-old boy is made to fight the purest of evils? He should be worrying about girls and Quidditch, not Voldemort and his maniacal Death Eaters. He spots his vile cousin Bellatrix in the crowd, and he wants to be the one to kill her, to end her pathetic life. The rage is pulsing inside him, so ready to be let loose.

He remembers two years ago, when Harry thought Sirius was in danger and went rushing off to the Department of Mysteries. Godfather and godson both survived that battle, and Sirius knows it was nothing but incredible luck that saw Harry through. He thanks every God in the world that he was not captured and sent to Azkaban again; it just so happened that Peter Pettigrew was among the Death Eaters that night. Peter was caught and convicted, and Sirius was exonerated. Harry has been living with him for the past two summers.

Panic grips Sirius ten times more than it already had been when he sees his beloved godson beginning to tire. But even through his exhaustion, he keeps fighting, but Sirius feels sick with a terrible foreboding. He can't lose Harry, he just can't! He loves him more than life itself; he was the only thing that kept him sane in Azkaban, and one of the only things that is keeping him going now. If he loses Harry, he knows he'll have failed Lily and James all over again.

Suddenly, an Expelliarmus shoots towards Harry, and Sirius lets out a scream as Harry's wand goes flying into Voldemort's hand. He hears Bellatrix let out a peal of laughter, and Sirius feels the anger inside him mount. Then, Voldemort points his wand at Harry, yelling, "Crucio!" and Sirius is made to watch as his precious godson suffers excruciating pain. His screams tear his godfather's heart in two, and tears fill his eyes as he realizes he can do nothing. I'm so sorry, James, Lily, I'm such a failure, he thinks miserably.

The torture seems to go on and on, and Sirius cannot stand it. When Voldemort finally lifts the spell, Harry is too weak to stand. He simply lies there on the grass, a terribly defeated and hopeless look on his vulnerable, young face. Sirius is racked with heaving sobs as he knows what's about to happen next, and it is worse than Azkaban, worse than any memory he's ever experienced. He'd rather stay in that prison for the rest of his life than witness this.

Voldemort then levels his wand straight at Harry's heart and screams, "Avada Kedavra!" Sirius can only watch in horror as his pride and joy, his reason for living, is hit by a bolt of green light and goes limp and still. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" His scream of pure and utter anguish fills the air, and he falls to his knees, beating the grass with his knuckles. Remus kneels next to him, trying to calm him, but Sirius cannot be stopped. He has just lost his godson, someone who he vowed to protect. He has failed.

Voldemort sinisterly dangles Harry's body in the air, proclaiming his victory. The Death Eaters laugh and cheer as those on the light side howl and weep. Voldemort then throws the limp body on the ground again, Disapparating along with all his cowardly Death Eaters. With the barrier now removed, all Harry's supporters and friends go running to his side, Sirius being the first to get to him.

He takes the child, his godson, into his arms and screams and screams and screams. He looks into Harry's lifeless eyes and experiences déjà vu, remembering looking into the empty hazel ones of his best friend all those years ago. He failed him and Lily, letting Harry fight the madman who finally killed him. "I'm so sorry!" he bawls, hugging Harry's body close to him, his tears dripping onto the boy's distraught face.

Sirius's eyes cannot stray from the coffin at Harry's burial. It takes place three days later, in Godric's Hollow. He can only let the tears fall, and Remus holds him while he sobs. He doesn't say a single word, and hasn't the whole day. All he knows, as dirt is tossed on top of the coffin, and the grave is filled, is that there is nothing left to live for. The entire world is now going to be taken over by a monster, and Sirius knows it's all his fault. The house he lived in with Harry will now be so empty; he can't even bear to go back there. Sobs continue to rack his body; he cries with no shame. Never mind what his bloody family say, this is his entire reason for living being buried.

After it is over, he can't bring himself to leave Harry's final resting place. He places flowers on his grave, kneeling over it and still letting his tears fall. There are so many of them to shed, and he knows they'll never stop. He thinks bitterly of his failure as a godfather, and curses himself for eternity. As Remus finally pries him away from the grave and back to his flat, where he is letting Sirius stay, one simple phrase repeats through Sirius's brain like a mantra. There is nothing left to live for.


End file.
